Dear Parents...

Due to some of the many things I see on social media site groups, I decided to write a letter to the parents of the kids that are on the Spectrum.

Dear Parents,
From the day your kid was born, you were made to put on a cape that came with no instructions or how to list when it came to your incredible child. However as it seems to me a good amount of parents get lost in what their child has and what they can not do in the midst of parenthood. So I made a list of things based on what I have either read or encountered when it comes to parents of this population.

• Your child is not an alien or a robot. They are children first and foremost. They should be held to at least the same standards of Nuero-typical(NT) children are, no less. Not saying to frown upon things like sensory overload meltdowns, but I get to that later.
• Stop trying to research the cause of how your kid got to be that way, leave it up to the scientists to figure that out. Besides it will not help your child develop into a functional human being.
• Raise your expectations. All children need to be challenged in order to grow. No one likes when someone lowers their expectations of you, so why would they be any different.
• Give them experiences in life. Going to new places and experiencing new things may not be enjoyable now but it will do wonders later on. Think of it this way, it is hard to want to be a part of a world you never see in person, and can not grasp how big the world is and how great it is if you only do the comfortable things.
• Same with food. I have only worked a short time with this population and can only go on mine and a few kids experiences, but I have yet to see a truly picky eater. The ones I thought were, ended up just being very choosy. Choosy being if you laid out five things in front of them, they would only eat what they chose to eat. Which is true for anyone, but since you are their parent it is your choice to make, not theirs. If we all did not know better and some of us do not, we would all just eat fatty foods and carbs.
• Most peoples mindsets tend to be more like cars or airplanes with many destinations and paths of getting there. The mindset of your child is like a train, it just has one destination and one path of getting there. There are only two ways to be able to get them on a new path. Either you; go up a mile or two up the track to change the path just a little bit, or you stop your train or car on the tracks. Both of these can cause meltdowns though.
• Meltdowns are unavoidable, so stop trying to avoid them at all costs. Just be prepared for the different types of meltdowns. Sensory overload meltdowns are when the sensory input becomes overwhelming and the person just does not know what to do. The best thing when this happens is to try to remember all that was going on around your kid so that you both can learn what is too much for now. Then there are behavior meltdowns which is when a person is not understanding what is being asked or is not getting their way. The best thing to do is put on your metaphorically boxing gloves and stand your ground while trying to explain the situation in the most literal way possible.
• Every argument(or how I like to say battle) sets a new precedent which if lost can mean many more down the line.
• Your kid's diagnosis is not the finish line, its just getting to the starting blocks before the race. Your child can be a contributing individual in society if you view it this way.
• Everyone adapts their communication in life in order to succeed. Accepting the first thing your kid does to communicate, will not help them when your gone.
• Lastly, no matter how many battles you have or how many times your kid says or does something to you that makes you think that they do not love you; always remember that they love and appreciate everything you do and will know that you could not be a perfect parent in the situation you were put in.

Before I finish I just want to add that I do not have any kids and I realize that it is completely different when they are yours. However, it is the mindset behind some of the things I read and witness that truly astonishes me. I know growing up and even now, that I just want(ed) to be normal and even though I was (not) I want(ed) to at least be treated with the same respect as someone my age would get in any certain situation. These are personal thoughts and opinions that I gathered by my own personal experiences and those that I have witnessed. Not intended in any way to not say that the parents of kids on the Spectrum are not doing their absolute best.
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